The “Truth” about being ‘that girl’.. it’s not what you think.
Being "that girl" is a full time performance, and no one is always on. There are days when you can't show up as "her" because regardless, you're still human. I've noticed over the years, depending on what you started posting on social media in the beginning of your journey, people want the "effortless' looking content. They don't care about nor want to see, the mental load. It's exhausting. It's exhausting to be "the standard", and how much gets curated, filtered and scheduled to perfection.
Just because it may look effortless, doesn't mean it is. It takes MENTAL strength to ignore your own flaws and post/upload as if you're perfect. Knowing deep down, you probably hate the content you just showed thousands of people. Even though a woman may look "put together".. doesn't mean life, love or the world treats her greatly. It's usually the most beautiful, lusted after women who are secretly being treated like shit. I know, crazy.
You still get hurt, ghosted, underestimated, lied to.. you just look amazing while it's happening.
Being "that girl" doesn't mean you don't cry..it just means you've mastered crying in a silk LV robe. Now imagine all the real life issues you're still dealing with off screen and add being put on a pedestal. Additional, the backlash when that girl tries to be opinionated, messy or HUMAN. Everyone loves the it girl until she has something to say, especially about men, mental health or money. It's a joke to them because in everyone's mind it's "shut up and just be pretty". Imagine it, being silenced by strangers you've never met. Insane.
Your confidence will always be confused with arrogance, especially for women who take up space unapologetically. It takes a strong minded, bold woman to speak up about what she believes in a world that wants her to be small. It takes real internal work. Thousands of on lookers will shrink you and your identity to a tiny, micro sized barbie doll who shouldn't speak but just be seen. Over time, we get so accustomed to shutting down our voice, we barely have one anymore. Not just in the virtual world..it transfers into the real world as well. With hard work however, a true it girl can learn to "act" one way online and be her true self in reality.
Surprisingly, the problem isn't only men when it comes to being an "it girl". Women will idolize you. Some will hate you for no reason. Both? Exhausting. Every move you make can "sculpt" a young girls upcoming decisions in life. Then a mom, might blame her daughter's acts, on that one selfie you posted. I find myself repeatingly telling girls online "Im not an idol, please don't do what i do", just to cover my tracks. Being admired is lonely..because people who don't even know you will fall in love with the version of you they created, not the one YOU live with.
Listen, you can "look" like that girl and still feel empty. The external wins don't fix internal wounds. Wounds no one will ever know or see. Yes, being beautiful and idolized can have its wins and privilages. I would never say "I'm sad that I'm pretty". Do I wish it was different in many ways? Absolutely. The way the world has altered the outlook on being "that girl", we can't control and it would take a huge effort to try and change that.
Being "that girl" isn't about perfection, I've learned. It's about permission.
Being MY version of an it girl is about giving myself permission to be bold, selfish, soft, loud..whatever I want. It's a vibe not a victory. It's a lifestyle not an idenity. It's not your dna, it's your aesthetic.
The truth is..being that girl is overrated. But being THIS girl, me, the real me..is everything.